walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
