i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
