He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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