So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
