i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
