She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
