i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
you made out with another girl for some wings
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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