my mouth tastes like poor choices
We need to rekindle our bromance
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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