Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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