I hate your face
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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