Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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