my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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