When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
