He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I love you. Go after that dick
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
