I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
