Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
