I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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