first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
