and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
