I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
