Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
