This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
