I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
