wake up i wanna do it froggy style
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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