I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
