just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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