K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
