SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
