I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
