I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
