I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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