She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
