somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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