i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Couch. On fire.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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