You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
