so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
How does one acquire holy water?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
