I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I've blown a few things in my day
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
