i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
