I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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