Porn is love you can see.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
operation harelip BJ is a go
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
