btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
