I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
