i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
