I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
