Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Even my vagina gasped.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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