You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
