his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
