Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
