i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
