Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
