I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
