well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Jerry, you need to find god
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
