I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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