You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
