is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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