Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
